Do you feel locked in a troubled marriage that’s beyond help?
Here, you’ll be empowered with three simple principles to allow you to move forward in your relationship.
If you believe your marriage is in trouble then it probably is and accepting that is the first step.
Quite possibly you’re arguing a lot, fighting over small things or maybe even bigger issues. You have stopped talking or discussing and everything turns into an fight. You’ve stopped sharing happy times together.
It feels like an endless cycle of frustration, doesn’t it?
By applying these 3 basic, yet straightforward principles to your relationship, you’ll be well on the way to rebuilding your foundation of love…
Sounds a little too simple, right?
Well, maybe – but you can regain these important facets to your relationship with just a little patience and elbow grease. Here’s how to begin:
Agree with your partner, recognize their thoughts or feelings are valid, respect their point of view and trust them. Trust disappears in a relationship when problems occur.
Broken promises chip away at the marriage foundation of trust. Through the process of A.R.T. (Agree, Respect and Trust) you can redeem your troubled marriage.
Acceptance Of Problems
The fact is, you’re both separate individuals and your marriage is a unique journey to the both of you. The first thing you need to do is accept the issues within your marriage. Of course, this isn’t quite as easy as it sounds.
Don’t kid yourself here. You need to truly voice this acceptance.
So, take a moment to find a mirror or stand in front of it. You may be overwhelmed by your current marriage worries. After all, having everything floating around in your head is likely mess of emotions… let it out.
For the first time, talk to yourself about your troubled marriage out loud. Agree with yourself and also voice some likely concerns of your partner.
Can you acknowledge or see where they are coming from in any way?
During this exercise, it’s important to bear in mind, you have to respect yourself and respect your partner. You can also try performing this mirror method with your partner present. The conversation will flow differently when you’re each looking at a reflection of yourselves.
You might also be inclined to laugh at the idea of talking to yourself which can lighten the atmosphere during the process.
As your partner is talking about something that troubles them in the marriage, you’ll want to use ‘active listening’. This will show your partner that what they are saying is important.
Active listening is a process where agreeing with and respecting your partner comes naturally. I like to refer to active listening as ‘reflection’ as your are reflecting back what your partner has told you. Although you may disagree with their position, it’s important to agree with their concerns. This is a way of validating them and not shutting them out of the conversation.
This isn’t about who’s right or who’s wrong. It’s about a mutual respect and acknowledgment for one another.
This is crucial to moving forward and fixing your troubled marriage.
So what is active listening? When your partner is says something that usually starts an argument, rather than retort with hostility, give them eye contact and nod slightly as they talk.
When they have finished speaking, repeat back to them what they have said. Use as calm a voice as possible. This shows them you have taken on board what they had to say and they’ll feel listened to.
Most men try to take a “fixing” approach to a problem. If this applies to you, try hard not to offer immediate solutions to a long term problem.
Show that you can listen and carry across a message that you understand where they are coming from. This is more important that trying to eliminate the problem all together.
Problems will come up in a marriage throughout your years in life. If you can focus more on the trust in your partner and that you’re in it together, you’ll find that any obstacle can be overcome.
By using active listening within your troubled marriage you can utilize the full power of A.R.T. You have shown you agree with your partner by recognizing their opinion is valid. This in turn gives them the respect they are seeking.
Trust comes from this process, your partner will feel calmer and the tension is diffused.
If every time your partner speaks you stare at them while nodding it will feel uncomfortable and strange to them. As you listen, keep your arms unfolded and don’t always wait until they have finished before you repeat key parts back to them.
Although, the active listening recommendation is very important, you’re not looking to make this strategy feel predictable to your spouse. Be genuine with your response.
After you have repeated back to them (genuinely) what is annoying them, ask if they have anything else they want to say on the topic. This gives them the power of communicating how the problem will help build respect and trust in your relationship.
You’re basically going to find out exactly what they expect needs to occur in order to move forward. This works well because it makes them accountable for their argument. They are in a position where they are required to be specific and provide details on exactly what they want from you.
If you fulfill those requirements, they would be going against their own position to continue the argument with you.
Having An Affair
Has either of you had an affair or are you tempted to wander? In a troubled marriage it is easy to seek those ‘earlier relationship feelings’ in a new partner. When you met the person you are now married to it was exciting and dynamic, no stress or responsibilities.
You talked and listened to each other not thinking about the need for change in each other.
Or, in some cases, maybe you realized they weren’t perfect but you thought you could change them.
Now, it has reached the point where either one of you has had an affair or maybe it is tempting to do so.
Do you suspect your partner might already be having an affair? Are they suddenly out of the house more, or taking unusual extra time with their physical appearance?
Fixing your troubled marriage and rebuilding trust after an affair is a difficult but an empowering, achievable process. It starts by understanding the pillars of marital repair.
Be sure to take a moment and watch this video now to fast forward your progress to a happier relationship with your spouse.