If you’ve having a tough time relating to your spouse these days, it’s important to focus on possible root causes.
Don’t just jump to conclusions. Be sure to ask yourself why you consider yourself to have marriage troubles at all.
Many people would like to wave a magic wand or rewind time and have a second chance with their relationship.
Fortunately, the solution doesn’t have to be so whimsical for you. I can give you the power to put marriage troubles in your past, opening up a bright and exciting future.
I want to show you the “RAINBOW” formula for keeping your marriage strong and rebalancing the bond that brought you together in the first place.
Yes, I know the name is a bit corny, but it’s an acronym that utilizes a formula for reconnecting with your mate.
So, take the name with a grain of salt and follow the tips within.
The RAINBOW Formula
Reach out to your partner for a hug.
Be sure to show affection whenever you want. Sometimes one partner may be reluctant to reach out in a physical expression of love because of a fear of rejection from their spouse. It’s important to make the attempt anyway.
Even if you do get rejected by your spouse for physical initiations, you’re showing the care behind the gesture. It’s that care that will strengthen your bond.
Act on their response to your gesture of love.
If your spouse embraces your attempts, then great. Keep the habit going and become more physically affectionate. It can be as simple as holding hands, caressing their leg, rubbing their back or running your fingers gently through their hair.
Ignite the passion and have a kiss if it’s there, otherwise enjoy the closeness and know that your physical relationship will build from these small steps.
Now make sure you work this small token of affection in every day.
Persistence and consistency is important. You won’t be perfect and it’s easy to become absorbed by your own mind. It’s okay if every thought you have doesn’t serve your marriage. The important thing is setting aside time every single day that does serve this purpose.
Be aware of the hug and don’t let it become stale and cold.
Try not to make your affections feel obligatory or mechanical.
When you’re with your spouse, put your entire being into the time and really reflect on being grateful for their love.
Open up, take a moment when possible to say ‘I love you’.
Some couples find the simple act of saying I love you challenging. After all, there’s a lot of meaning behind the expression. You’re dedicating a feeling behind those words and you’re targeting your emotion positively, and affectionately at your spouse in that moment.
Try not to just say the words but really “feel” those words and let your spouse know that they are truly in your heart. This builds a sense of oneness in a marriage.
Write down one of your marriage troubles to tackle today.
This is a big one. If you have a lot of obstacles that are making your marriage tumultuous, try not to fix them all at once. I know, first-hand, that can be your initial desire. Instead, chip away at the problems that are interfering with your ultimate happiness and work at them one at a time.
Marriage Troubles Differ Couple By Couple
You may be reading this article for any array of reasons. Maybe your partner cheated, you or your spouse are bored, you argue constantly, your sex life is history, you’re having financial issues which have meant many cut backs in the household. Even just the pure, simple day to day routine of life can cause marriage troubles and it’s so important to know that you are not alone.
Make a list now of the challenges you’re facing, as many as you can think of, including day-to-day moans and more serious issues.
Now, next to each one I want you to rank them between one and ten. One meaning they have little effect on your mood and general marital happiness and 10 meaning they cause you serious distress and enrage you.
Your Partner’s Troubles
If you are reading this alone and haven’t discussed these marriage troubles with your partner, then take some time, using a new piece of paper to brainstorm the things your partner finds troubling in your relationship.
What was your last argument about? Think back to when they used to talk to you about problems within the marriage, even if they have stopped mentioning those things. What were they?
You can get back on track by becoming more aware of the issues you both hold dear to you and recognizing that each of you is just as important as the other in your relationship.
In the same way you did for your ‘list of relationship issues’, write down a number between 1 and 10 for what you feel your partner would feel were the key problems. Has this process made you think differently about even one of their viewpoints?
Don’t Overwhelm Yourself
Remember the last step of the RAINBOW… tackle one problem at a time. When you let all the problems in your marriage run around your mind frantically, it is easy to feel completely overwhelmed…
Make the issues manageable and take on one at a time. Marriage troubles are complicated so focusing on one by itself is empowering to change your current circumstance.
For example, if your feel your partner is never romantic. Not one gesture, his excuse for Valentine’s Day is that it’s commercial and every day would be celebrated… even though he never does! Start by rebalancing that thought;
He might not be romantic but all the bills are paid on time which shows he nurtures and cares for me in his own way.
Do you really want flowers every day, even every week? How about the next time you are out driving ask him to pull over and pick you a daisy. Helping him to be romantic is helpful to your needs.
Really, teach him how to change his perspective on what you enjoy. Think back to his past, do you know if his parents were romantic with each other. Has he not learned romance through his upbringing, if not he is likely to find it hard.
Give it time. See it as a long term commitment rather than a short term fix. Life is not like the movies and to get some movie magic sometimes we have to make it happen ourselves. Maybe when you stop for him to pick up the daisy put some background music on to add to the mood!
Small steps are all that is needed to get the ball rolling. Don’t let yourself believe that you can fix everything at once, or in a week or month. By using this method you will see significant changes in your marital harmony in the coming weeks.
While you work through your key marriage issues, keep talking, focus on ‘active listening’ and do not be tempted to enter into an unconstructive argument with your partner.
Remember ‘active listening’ is giving your partner chance to talk, give them good eye contact and make sure you aren’t multi-tasking at the same time. Then repeat back what they’ve said asking if they’ve anything else they want to add. This keeps things calm, helping avoid arguments.
Avoid “minor issue” arguments where possible. If for example you pull up your car at the side of the road and they refuse to pick up a daisy, get out of the car and pick yourself one up and say you’re still going to treasure it as a moment together. Smile and feel genuinely happy about your attempt to help your marriage.
Do not give yourself anxiety over the timeline of restoring your marriage. It will happen very gradually but if you take the right steps, it WILL happen. Slowly, over time your partner will likely pick up some of their own romantic gestures or whatever marriage troubles you have focused on.
Get your relationship back into sexy, spontaneous romance it once was and be sure to watch my free video on how to restore your marriage and rekindle your passion in minutes.