A strong marriage requires ongoing maintenance.
There is no way around it.
You have to keep up with your relationship to keep it healthy and balanced. Well, what does that mean exactly?
What kind of things should you monitor to have a successful marriage?
If you’re asking yourself these kinds of questions, it’s possible your relationship has taken a bit of a downturn. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
The fact is, every single marriage experiences ebbs and flows of excitement, frustration, stress, anxiety and even at times, resentment. These emotions are totally normal and it’s okay to feel this kind of stuff. After all, you’re allowed to be a human being and nobody is perfect.
The real concern at this point is how to restore your marriage to the place it was when you were both overjoyed with an excitement for every day and looked forward to a life of matrimony.
It’s that feeling of love, passion and enthusiasm that we’re going to restore here. So let’s take a look at what’s involved in marriage restoration.
It can be an overwhelming and powerful process, renewing your love for each other.
Getting back to basics way while preserving your current living situation (which has certainly changed over time) can be challenging.
It’s also confusing when you start researching all the different options and paths you can take for this goal.
There are courses and weekend retreats focusing on marriage restoration. You can engage in joint or single therapy. You can even download home courses that walk you through the steps.
Whichever solution you opt for…
If your marriage has suffered from an affair, addiction, separation, feels completely broken or is simply going through a rough patch (you’re both arguing a lot) then the process of marriage restoration is for you. Here are some of my favorite “power tools” to restore your marriage from the comfort of your own home.
FRIENDSHIP THEN AND NOW
Have you got any photos either in an album, on your computer or phone to look at now? It can be a nice activity to look through them with your partner and if you can then that will be a truly positive step for both of you! If you are reading this article and haven’t talked to your partner, maybe consider creating a photo collage or buying a digital photo frame and loading it with photos of your journey together.
Seeing positive images of your journey together so far will remind you of happy times. The result? You’ll find yourself focusing on the negativities in your relationship much less.
Lots of couples with children find themselves surrounded by pictures of their children and neglecting their own experiences as a couple. Remind yourself of your relationship and how important it is. Looking through photos is a simple yet positive step towards marriage restoration.
What Has Truly Changed?
Have you lost sight of the unity in your relationship? Your are both part of the same foundation in your journey through life. There is an amazing amount of opportunities to pursue out there as an individual and as a couple. It is all too easy to be weighed down by day-to-day events.
Make a plan. What would you both like to happen next? People often think that separation and divorce are the only way forward but that’s overlooking the even more amazing things you can face from the comfort of a long term relationship.
Marriage restoration could include taking on a new hobby as an individual or a couple. You’d have lots of new conversations to have and new friendships to form. This would feed back positively into your relationship.
POSITIVE THINKING, POSITIVE SPEAKING
Negativity is a downward spiral and moaning can be far too easy. If for example on the sixty minute journey to work you find yourself stuck in traffic for ten minutes, that’s the part of the journey you remember. Trauma stays in your mind. It’s a natural part of being human. Your adrenaline flows in a stressful situation and it etches onto your mind more strongly. You easily forget the beautiful flowers or the interesting juxtaposition of houses, the blue sky with delicate wispy clouds… start focusing on the positives. Try this method;
For the next 24 hours carry a small notebook with you.
I challenge you to find 20 positive moments.
I think you’ll actually find a lot more.
TRY SMILING MORE
The human face finds frowning far too easy. Smiling actually releases endorphins and gives you that natural happy feeling. I have heard someone say if they are arguing with their partner they make sure they are naked and find it far too funny to get carried away with the negativity. It’s hard to be angry – naked!
Speaking positively about your partner is important. It is all too easy to dwell on the negatives. The more positive credit you give your partner, the more habitual your mind will be at giving them credit for their values rather than picking at them over shortcomings.
Your intimate relationship on a physical and emotional level is the real glue of the relationship. Often it is the first thing to slip away but thankfully easy to get back.
Remember how you longed to even brush your arm against your partner, that first embrace, first kiss… first time you made love.
Think about all the stories of happiness and dismay from your past that only they know. This is all part of your intimate relationship. Relive some of those encounters in your mind and try and put them back into your life now, even if your starting commitment is to share one hug a day. Great things come from small beginnings.
SET UP DATE NIGHTS
Couples on the verge of separation have stopped spending quality time together.
Having a date night is an opportunity to revisit the roots of your relationship and your connection with each other. There is no reason that those feelings you had for each other aren’t still there. They’re just buried a little too deeply to dig down to. Having a date will allow you to peel back some of those uncomfortable feelings. Even better, if you can arrange it; have a weekend away!
THE MAGIC FORMULA IS UNIQUE TO YOU
Nobody can truly tell you what to do, say or think but it is all too easy to get lost in the downward spiral of life. Take hold of yourself and pull yourself from that spiral.
Take a look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself you really want to experience the rewarding, inspirational journey of marriage restoration.
You are not going to be a divorce statistic based on poor relationship communication. Now grab your planner and book that special event. Your relationship is worth it!
You must feel that or you wouldn’t be here reading this.
That’s why it’s so important you DON’T STOP NOW…
Take a moment to watch my free video right now, giving you the step by step strategies for restoring your marriage into a place of passion and excitement again.