First and foremost, you are not alone. ‘Help my marriage’ is a cry a lot of people make even if they don’t say it out loud.
This is a very good starting point for you.
Maybe, this isn’t your first attempt at this. Maybe, you’ve tried everything and found little success.
Either way, this is a new beginning where you take control and give your relationship back to its best if not better than it ever was before.
I want just quickly go over the 3 fundamental building blocks of a strong marriage in the simplest way possible.
Love Gives Your strength.
Strength gives you power.
Power makes you strong.
Love is centrally important to helping your marriage, it isn’t just there… it needs nurturing to grow to its full potential. When as a couple you are bonded in love you have the strength to face any problem in unison. This strength gives you the power, which makes you strong! Strong enough to take on the world!
UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHERS NEEDS
Intimacy is an extremely important factor in staying together long term. This does not simply mean having sex using as many different positions as is humanly possible, it also includes holding hands, exchanging physical contact on a variety of levels.
When was the last time you hugged your partner? You and your partner also have a need for emotional intimacy, sharing your past, your feelings on a wide variety of personal topics not always directly related to you both as a couple.
Without intimacy it is hard to maintain love and feel strong.
LACKING SELF CONFIDENCE
Low self esteem is a factor of poor marriage compatibility. Feeling that you are generally not good enough to be with that perfect partner and settling for which ever person will take you.
Working on your own self confidence issues can help your marriage hugely, it might even be you feel your partner has confidence issues. Often low self esteem comes from that feeling of not being ‘good enough’. Take a piece of paper and write a list of your good points, what makes you a fabulous person?
It is a good idea to also write a list of what makes your partner a good person to remind yourself of their character strengths rather than focusing on the bad personality or situation aspects which are winding you up.
BUT, WHAT IS LOVE?
You recognize your partner has strengths, as do you! Lots of them! What brought you together? What made you fall in love with each other and really, what is love?
That age old question that nobody quite has the actual answer to, though there are many opinions on the topic.
I remember my child first telling me they loved me. They were about 3 years old and after years of me telling them ‘I love you’… I heard it back. It was the most magical feeling in the universe and I felt amazing.
The love between a couple is similar to that between parent and child, an adult looks to another adult for that support, nurture, care, commitment and unified bond that can be found in marriage.
COMPLIMENT YOUR PARTNER
Outweigh the negatives you share by balancing them with two or more compliments. When you moan to your best friend about your partner always try to think of something positive to say as well. It is easy to remember the negatives and after a while they begin to affect your mood and the way you think about your partner. Try to embrace that you do certain things differently.
Don’t sleep leaving an argument unresolved.
RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY
It is OK to have certain things private from your partner and giving them their personal space is important to make them feel like an individual.
For example you don’t need to know their email login details or their bank account password. Trust is the foundation of your relationship and accepting that they are allowed to have some things private in their life will feed positively into your relationship. It helps a person feel in charge and independent, a lot like the freedom a parent gives a child as he/she grows.
Where this changes is if you or your partner have cheated. In this instance sharing everything with your partner is a must for rebuilding trust, showing total honesty on all levels is crucial.
SURPRISE EACH OTHER
Look at a typical week, how many times do you surprise your partner? Doing something out of the ordinary routine? Write a list of ‘Ways I can help my marriage by surprising my partner’. Here are some ideas to get you thinking;
Leave them a note that simply says ‘I Love You’ somewhere they’ll typically look.
Book them a massage.
Take them to the mall for a coffee and browse child free.
Say you’ll do a job at home they typically do i.e. washing the dishes for a week.
Cook them a meal… if this is not something ordinarily done.
Take them to the movies.
Buy a bunch of flowers.
Send them a text to tell them they are the centre of your world.
I’m sure you can think of lots more, choose one to do this week and set yourself the challenge to do something new for your partner weekly. See how positively this feeds back into your intimate and emotional relationship.
COMMUNICATION IS YOUR KEY
There will no longer be you saying ‘help my marriage’ when you have followed the advice in this article and opened up positive communication with your partner. Treasure your differences, don’t try and reject them. They are what make each of you who you are and ultimately amazing people. Talk to other people positively and to your partner positively and you will be surprised how fantastically this feeds back into your marriage.
This is really just the tips of the iceberg. To gain a step by step, strategic plan for helping your marriage, you’ll want to watch this video right now.