Working through marriage counseling questions is a way to get to the root of the problems in your relationship.
Here, I am giving you my 5 key questions to get your started on reviving your troubled marriage.
Think back to when you were getting married, enjoying all the planning and preparations.
Think about the magic of your special day with everyone smiling and rejoicing over your relationship.
The perfect clothes, cake, beautiful speeches… and now all this time has passed and your relationship feels stale and old. It’s possible you or your partner are tempted to move on and find a new love or even engage in an affair. There is still hope. You can rebuild and marriage counseling is a great start.
WHAT IS MARRIAGE COUNSELING?
Typically marriage counseling is undertaken as a couple with a therapist or in a group setting. There are also retreats or weekend courses available. The therapist or group leader will ask you each individually about your past, present and future thoughts and feelings on a variety of topics to establish where your marital troubles are stemming from.
THE PROBLEM WITH MARRIAGE COUNSELING
The trouble with those settings is when your partner won’t attend marriage counseling sessions. You also need to set aside a regular appointment time in your week or a weekend and for some, it can all feel a little cold and clinical.
Marriage counseling is not a quick fix, working through questions at home over a period of time can yield much better results! There’s a lot of homework involved, usually in the form of actionable exercises and it takes quite a bit of patience to incorporate the process into your life.
Here are five of the most common marriage counseling questions, central to fixing your marital issues;
• What do you both want to gain from marriage counseling?
• Your past, present and future… How do they affect your NOW?
• Are there children involved?
• Have either of you been tempted to cheat?
• Do you understand your partners needs and wants?
At the heart of all of the questions is communication. Communication, positive talking and active listening through reflection will save your marriage. On a piece of paper write out these 5 marriage counseling questions and leave a large space between each one.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GAIN?
You are here, reading this article. What do you want to happen from marriage counseling? If you or your partner have trouble staying faithful, have anger management issues, physical / mental illness, or has substance abuse issues then this would be a key target to address in therapy.
Working out where these issues stem from in their personality and addressing those issues through analysis and support are crucial. If, fundamentally, the issues relate to being annoyed with each other over a buildup of tensions or not sharing the same dream any more, this will be your focus.
What you want to gain is unique to both of you.
Make a few notes about what you want to gain and if you are approaching these questions alone – what do you think your partner wants next. Be as honest with yourself as possible.
THE PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE
How do they affect your now? Nature and nurture are the two factors which form who we are and what we are destined to be like. How we think and feel is driven by our inherent nature and by experiences we have had, both good and bad. A person who never saw any physical contact between their parents may have issues with intimacy.
An adult whose parents divorced will have an impact on their emotional development. Even a child raised in what is outwardly perceived to be a happy and stable home will have some issues and these affect the now.
Thinking of the future, all those plans you made when you first met… how are they going? What has changed for the better or for the worse? Do you feel like you’ve moved forward? Make some notes about the past, present and future for you and your partner. It will help you understand each other more.
DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?
When children are involved it gets a lot more complicated, you need to consider their welfare? How has life changed after having children and as they have grown. Is there a particular age or phase you or your partner feel troubled about?
Have you been able to have children at all and has this has caused a massive amount of friction in your relationship. For couples with children it’s easy for life to revolve around the kid’s busy schedules. What could you change about your week to allow more time for each other or to get some alone time as an outlet for the stress of life.
Have you or your partner cheated, do you suspect they are having an affair or have had one?
Trust is a key marriage foundation and is easily damaged and hard to rebuild. If you are at breaking point with a situation it is often easier to run away then to stay and face things. That lure into the excitement of those early relationship moments can be too hard to refuse for some. If there have been cheating issues or temptation, get back to basics and build up again. Make a note of how you both feel about cheating or any encounters you have had. Be honest. This is about getting back to rebuild your marriage from the roots up. Re-establishing trust will take some time.
YOUR PARTNER’S NEEDS AND WANTS
What do you both want from the relationship? What do you want? And, what do you need? If you are answering this on your own try and put yourself in your partners shoes. What would you like to happen now in your relationship… what do you actually need to happen in your relationship to make things a success.
You may have a list of other marriage counseling questions. These do not need to be in a direct therapy situation. You could choose to write your own additional questions on the piece of paper and work through them on your own Ideally, though, these issue are best addressed together. Reading this article and acting on the information contained is a positive step in strengthening your marriage… forever!
Take the next important step, watch this free video on how to restore your marriage and rekindle romance in minutes.